The Best List Ever!

After I interrupted the pattern in my relationship, it was evaluation time. So after a lot of work, and a lot of different questions, I finally came up with right question.

How can I grow in this relationship?

1. By practicing patience
2. By practicing compassion
3. By practicing communication skills
4. By practicing receiving and giving love
5. By practicing developing passion
6. By practicing compromise
7. By practicing laughter
8. By practicing the R.P.M. strategy (Tony's Rapid Planning Method)
9. By practicing structure
10. By practicing consistency
11. By practicing taking action
12. By practicing setting boundaries
13. By practicing nurturing values
14. By practicing leadership
15. By practicing teamwork
16. By practicing loving myself first

This list helped me realize, that my relationship is my greatest teacher.

The list

       My List Of Things I Am Doing That Are Pissing Me Off!

1. Letting how my wife acts dictate my decisions.
2. Letting how my daughter acts dictate my decisions.
3. Letting how anybody acts dictate my decisions.
4. Letting what my wife says dictate my actions.
5. Letting my finances dictate my motivation.
6. Letting my finances dictate my emotional state.
7. Letting what anybody says dictate my decisions.
8. Letting any little lack of clarity or knowing stop me from taking action.
9. Letting guilt stop me from taking action.
10. Letting discomfort stop me from taking action.
11. Letting procrastination stop me from going to bed early.
12. Putting us in financial jeopardy out of laziness.
13. Being overweight out of laziness.
14. Eating unhealthy food out of laziness.
15. Not budgeting out of fear and laziness.
16. Not conditioning my mind and body daily, out of laziness.
17. Pawning my accountability off on my wife. 

I cleaned up the language because I was very vulgar with myself in order to drive home the message. And keep in mind, that there were major associations to all of these for me, so the impact for me was great. This list was about me saying to myself, that all the things I was complaining about were my own fault and it is high time I start changing it!

Lists coming next (thank you Cowgirl Rae!)

   Since I posted this I have figured out a couple things. I knew when I made this list, that it was a good thing. That I was getting to a point where I was starting to change my perception and I was beginning to make some of the changes in my life, must's in stead of should's.
   But after the time that has transpired since my last post I have realized what I was doing. Tony Robbins puts it like this, in order to change something in a lasting way, you must go through 3 steps.(neuro associative conditioning)
Step #1 Get leverage. This list was me getting leverage on my self, I was getting angry enough with my excuses to make it a must for me to change. This list caused me emotional pain that I was inflicting on myself by not taking charge.
Step #2 Interrupt the pattern.  This list was created when I was on my run one day, I began running harder than I have in years. Running with a vengeance, and affirming out loud that I refuse to accept this any longer. This was the beginning of my mental conditioning I needed to remain strong through the pattern shifts coming my way. And it was the first drastic pattern shift to start the sequence for me. I don't recommend what I did, but I just flat out put my foot down hard for the next three days. This was very hard on my relationship, but it created enough pain for both of us to make a decision that we must change! Keep in mind, at the time I didn't exactly know I was doing this, I just knew something had to change, and it had to change NOW! During this time that I was putting my foot down, I was not in any way reasonable, so the conflict was inevitable. This was harsh, and like I said I don't recommend it, but I can tell you this, it freegin worked! So at this point, mission accomplished, pattern interrupted!
Step #3 Create a new pattern.  This one is a work in progress, but I can tell you with confidence that I am developing new healthy patterns in the way I communicate, not just with my wife but with everyone! I write my wife a love letter of some sort almost every day, and I now take a long honest look at her side when she feels I am not understanding her. And in doing so, I have found that she has valid reasons for her feelings, imagine that...LOL

I will posting the list soon.

And I will also be posting the list I made of the things I can learn from my relationship, it is the greatest list of my life!

Maybe I'm crazy....

  Well I've been working hard at conditioning my emotional state. I've been doing most of it on the track and through my diet. As a result, I have lost over 6 lbs and am gaining energy rapidly!
   Today I was going through a run down of the things in my life that I have felt like are holding me back. After making this two and a half page list, I went for a run on the track. As I was running I started getting more and more pissed off about the current state of my emotional life. Once I was in this emotional state of being fed up and pained by the shortcomings in my life, I ran as hard as I could yelling at life that today is my decision day! I refuse to let petty excuses guide my life for another minute. I made it very clear to the powers that be and to myself that I made a commitment today that will stand for the rest of my life, a commitment to lay down the excuses, the weak drive, the weak emotional states, the weak accountability, the weak mind (that's been letting others ideas direct it) and the fear of uncertainty.
   Today I picked up my torch and vowed to be the man I know I am, and stand strong in him regardless of what others say, think, or do! To take charge of my life, like I know I can, like I know I have to!
  So after my track run, I made a long list of the things I have been doing, letting happen, or letting control me. I titled the list " Things I Am Doing That Are Fucking Pissing Me Off!" This list helped me remember that I am highly motivated by anger, and if used properly this can be a great tool. I apologize for the language but I found it necessary for me to create the state I am now using to get me off my ass and more resistant to the people who try to penetrate my state with their random B.S. that will run my life down if I let it.
   Anyways, just a quick rant about anger as a motivating tool.

A new part of my support system

    The day before yesterday I started The Ultimate Edge program from Anthony Robbins. It came with a " Daily Magic" cd that has some daily breathing and mental exercises that are lifting my energy levels, stimulating my body, shifting my emotional state into a positive confident and grateful energy, and helping me with visualization.

   A lot of things I am doing these days are reminding me of similar things I have done in the past, at times of my life when I was feeling great. I am rediscovering my old practices in a new way. I am doing these things with a more intentional approach, from a place of patience and understanding that I did not have when I was younger. I am developing skills in areas of my mind that I have never cultivated before. I am confident that with these new found skills, I am recognizing and changing patterns that I have had my entire life, which have only caused destruction. Understanding that my "blue print" (the beliefs I have that create my idea of how it "should be" in these areas) is the root, and changing this will create the changes naturally that I have been trying to force myself to make for the last 14 years. For me, at this time, the most valuable tools I have for doing this, are role models. I am now using my role models in a much more direct intentional way and  am choosing to find role models for all of the areas I want to change in my life. I have realized that my "blue print" is only what it is, because that is all I have ever known from the direct models in my life, and from my own life experiences. In order to see that it can be the way I want,  how to achieve it, and most importantly, what life will be like once I have incorporated it, I must use role models for every area that I want to improve! This way, after I begin to incorporate it into my life I will believe and understand it, this will create more momentum instead of the old self sabotage cycle I would normally go into to get my life back to what I know. If I can not find a person to model after for something I want to change, it will be necessary for me to design an ideal model in my mind by asking questions like, what would a person who lives this way do, how would they think, etc.

   Anyways, I got a little off track here, but that's O.K. The original thought for this post was about doing something every morning that will stimulate me and help me get into the mode of confidence, gratefulness and excitement before I do anything else. This way I can come at the day with a new attitude, be more assertive, and take more action towards the areas of my life that I want to improve. The newest part of my support system, and I am excited about it for sure!!!!!

   Thanks for reading and here's to a great day ahead, for building lasting fulfillment!!

Are the people I am surrounding myself with supportive?

  As I continue to ask myself the questions, why am I not creating the change I want in my life faster? What am I not doing that I must do in order to create the results I desire now?
  I am starting to understand more and more about my beliefs and how they are limiting me. I am achieving this by working through Anthony Robbins book, Awaken the Giant Within. Taking his advice, I wrote down some of my empowering beliefs and some of my dis-empowering beliefs.
  After answering some questions in the book about some of my beliefs (empowering and dis-empowering), I realized that when it comes to my empowering beliefs, I have only  two people in my life who support them fully. The majority of the people in my life lovingly support my dis-empowering beliefs, with very strong conviction.
  After some reflection, I have realized that I have spent my life isolating myself from people to avoid being inundated with their beliefs. This has happened because I have always surrounded myself with people who did not support my morals and values, so to avoid their judgments and influences I have isolated myself. This was all done unconsciously.
  The awareness that has come from this for me, is that I need a support system in order to develop new habits. This support system consists of many things for me, including this blog, but I am starting to see that the biggest accelerator for any support system is going to be people who will inspire me, encourage my growth, challenge me to push myself, be honest with me, and encourage me to be honest and express myself. These relationships will encourage expression and discourage suppression. They will be filled with laughter, mutual caring and accountability.
  So what I MUST DO, is choose my relationships with care and practice saying no to relationships that are not supportive!!

Thank You for reading
Ron Hess

The Power Of Belief